the dawn of a new era?

maybe we all live nostalgic lives. maybe we just decided to live with a recognized tension of good and evil. just maybe we decided to frame our lives, every past and present memory into a big whole colorful collage that we will one day refer to.

how has it been, that to some of us ignorance was bliss, to some knowledge was the beginning of a crucified thought? and that to some of us we are still striving hard for a meaning, an identity, and after all this we have still failed to find what we define best?

being an observer, i have questioned the tides of life that measures itself through time. a new dawn is just around the corner for me, a new chapter? a new beginning? thats all to cliche to call. i would just say its another turn, another lane, another choice to make.

the coming days, even our enemies, the antagonists of our lives are also having their dawns, their choices. surprisingly, these antagonists, the people who seem to destroy us will walk into a new dawn, a clean slate. its when they are there, where it all begins.

how then should we accept all this? its not like we live long to count all the moments in life, but then we have been destroyed but just for a moment, because of teachings, ideals, relationships, foolishness, youthfulness.

how? somehow if only our conscious was easy to deal with.

-vadai-

what gives

what gives if i can only blog about Christian ethics, about the ever bland testimonies of God's awesome action in my on going monotonous routines if i have never understood him.

sometimes we glorify the deity we least understand.

Christ, multiple tags have been given to him : Son of God, God, Saviour, Healer, Friend, The Way, Gracious, etc etc..

we have somehow tagged him just like how we tag people on facebook during our times of boredome, stress or on an emotional breakdown. However we may potray the intimacy that comes with every click of tagging others on facebook, the mechanical outlay is that we still cant prove our intimateness with that person we tagged. Showboating? or just an impersonal mileau?

I feel for you, Jesus. I tink you are the most misunderstood man that has ever walked the planet, with a very impressive historical resume, that has the ability to transform lives.

Well hopefully we Christians will somehow ascend to a level where we will understand or reflect on that man's life, words and actions.

-vadai-

Hey there you you....

sometimes i ask how do i know someone? do i know you? on a scale of 1 to 10 how much do i know you, or do you know me? and can what we know of each other be tagged as knowing?

puzzling, i asked God the same question. after all this year, through all the hypocrisy and inconsistency with devotional life i asked God, do i know you? or do you know me? ridiculous, but i just felt like a child lost in an abyss of with high rised buildings, post modern thinking and the ever stale mate of religion.

its like for once i could have just bought the idea that God actually is helping me stop time. i am decreasing to a point of retardation, and its all making sense.

I read 1 John 2:3: "We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands."

it was pretty simple. actually it is. but whats simple is complicated. its not that easy to follow a simple command of say loving your enemies. its straightforward, its practical and its philosophical. but its not applicable? yes, no? both answers prove complex.

trascending from this phase of life, hopefully i will make it. There is a God for sure, and I bet he understands us the more. I hope I understand him through his commands, obeying them the very least.

But I also hope to understand my identity as a human being obeying God's commands, in an eternal quest for perfection.

-vadai-

leaving: unfinished

sometimes i wonder why are we allowed to leave undone, unfinished.

we do things, throw visions, get people pumped just to know that we are not going to be there for long, and to leave the work incomplete?

we get soooo philosophical when we are asked that question. but the point is it is clearly not finished.

so why go under 'trial and error' at the expense of people who strive to believe in a vision?

it just doesnt make sense.

what happens to the people who are secure under the leadership of a leader whose gonna start something and never finish?

hmmmm...what a sad movie to watch...a very sad movie to watch...
the best part, i am just the spectator this time.

-vadai-

Lesson 1: Love is..

the first and most important lesson..

love, to define love..

so love is....



yea...my baby, Jessica.

well if i were to put it all into words, i cant, probably i will never be able to.

but if i were to redefine love, it will be Jessica.

it takes loads of strength to sleep on just two chairs, to tolerate annoying ward-mates, hospital food, to be unconditionally hospitable, to be patient in waiting for the operation to finish, to cope with stress, lack of sleep and hunger and of course my annoying attitude towards my fear of injections and anesthesias..

i cant give you anything tantamount, but thats the beauty of it, you didnt expect anything tantamount to it...you were just there for me.

i would have to say perfect love does cast out all fears...

i lurve you, baby and i wouldnt have made it thru if you werent there for me.

-vadai-

U0620

i was admitted into that very ward, on thursday.

i learnt so many life lessons.

so much to handle at one go.

i'll split this post up when i gather my thoughts.

now i have been discharged.

only to move back into society hopefully different.

-vadai-